Kayla, or The Title My Parents Gave Me

Instructions for living a life: Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it. - Mary Oliver

Just diggin the feel of this song lately. So much so that it made it onto my Drive to NYC Playlist. Someone should probably contact Bitter:Sweet and inform them of the honor.

Brooklyn, Brooklyn, take me in. Are you aware the shape I’m in?

New York, I’m dragging, but I’ve always wanted to get to know ya. Let’s be friends.

Be still.

St. Augustine famously said that sin is actually disordered love.

C.S. Lewis famously said (in Weight of Glory, perhaps my favorite of all his offerings) that, “It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

I think I sometimes allow Kant and the Stoics to creep into my understanding of who God is and what He wants from me…unfortunate, especially because I create and become somewhat of a false dichotomy, a wrongly split spirit. I hear words like obedience, and righteousness, and repentance, and purity, and I think harsh, and cold, and joyless, and constricting, and boring. If I’m honest, it makes me think I’ll have to give up loving life, loving people, seeking real joy, freely experiencing the world around me…and it sends me, almost unknowingly, into the approach I know: to avoid pain and seek pleasure. This must frustrate God, as He has never made pleasure the enemy, and “He does not willingly afflict or grieve the children of men.” Thanks, Lamentations 3. Pain and pleasure are only ever conduits, means to the end of everything I was ever created to love, and know, and be.

I think God does ask us to make a choice, and it very often seems to be a hard one. But I think it’s almost never the choice we assume He’s asking us to make, and it’s never the hardship we feared. That’s wonderful news every time I remember it.

If anyone knows that these people are actors, promise not to tell me. I really can’t face a world where this isn’t real.

Dear North Carolina Christians:

I know there are a lot of folks involved in this Amendment One debate, but right now I’m just talking to you.

You guys. I’m so, so tired of these culture wars. I’m so, so tired of the label “Christ-follower” inciting an idea of what I may be against, rather than what I’m for. I don’t know much, I don’t know what the answer is…but this isn’t right. I love Jesus. I also love gay people, and I think He loves them way more than I do. I don’t know what all to fight for, but I know to fight for that.

Nas’ new one. Into it.

This is an old video that I needed to watch again today. Needed.

And I’m posting it because I wanted to announce to all of you that I have decided to have the transcript of this video tattooed on my body. And read at my funeral. Thank you.

The tattoo will feature the section of the transcript that says: “How does the Daddy Long Legs make a life?”

Heavy, man.

When it’s over, I want to say: all my lifeI was a bride married to amazement.I was a bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.
 
When it’s over, I don’t want to wonderif I have made of my life something particular, and real.I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightenedor full of argument.
 
I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.

-Mary Oliver

When it’s over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was a bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.
 
When it’s over, I don’t want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don’t want to find myself sighing and frightened
or full of argument.
 
I don’t want to end up simply having visited this world.
-Mary Oliver

If the crescendo of this cover isn’t proof that Radiohead: A Broadway Musical needs to happen, then what ever could be?